(( bring me back to life )) // thunderstrike

[erika]

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[atrb=background,http://i55.tinypic.com/25phjb8.png] The weak and frail lioness slowly made her way out of the mouth of the den. Stepping softly on the dirt, her prints the only proof of her presence. It was near nightfall, the buzzards that normally soared over head the hunting grounds looking for leftovers had retired, and the crickets took their place now humming loudly in the grasses. Her shadow danced on the rocks as she passed. Her eyes glowed softly, flickering left to right looking around the camp checking for anything out of the ordinary as she walked. It was awkward looking for the den, she had only been there once, maybe twice. She liked it that way. She ducked under a low branch and stopped in front of the opening. I don't need to be here... She thought, I'm fine. Her stomach contended with her conscious and growled loudly. Lotusflower winced, she had felt so tired, but she wouldn't admit that to herself or tell a soul. It must have been instinct that drove her to go out and talk to Thunderstrike. Lotusflower took another step forward, craning her neck inside. As she saw a massive body laying there she sat up and composed herself. She felt like a child again, sneaking around, trying not to be seen. Despite the chance that Thunderstrike might have already been sleeping at this hour she took the chance anyways and called for him. "Thunderstrike, may I come in?" She cooed softly trying not to make too much noise.

[crush]

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[atrb=background,http://i54.tinypic.com/2mz9yk4.jpg] He'd been half awake and half asleep when he heard the soft voice. It was almost as if she didn't want him to hear her. But he did. His ears perked first before his eyes opened, moonlight coming in and reflecting off them. A quick glance, even in the dim light, told him she was not faring well. He shifted up and slipped out and past her, knowing that if he didn't get between her and the entrance she wasn't likely to say. Lotusflower was stubborn, after all. It served her well as a deputy, but at the same time it was a major weakness. Of course, Lotusflower. My den is always open. After you. He murmured softly, quiet enough that others wouldn't know. She had her pride, and he'd let her keep it unless necessary. He waited until she went in before following and sitting down just in the entrance, in the middle so she couldn't push past. She looked exhausted, he'd probably be able to pin her even if she tried to leave, but he would try not to. He was the medicine cat, not a warrior anymore, and she the deputy. It was her place to pin him, not the other way around. What seems to be the problem this evening? He could see, of course, but there might be more he couldn't. He wasn't sure she'd tell him everything. After all, she'd been known to push herself too hard from what he heard through rumors, so it wouldn't be a surprise. Still. He would ask. He would give her the opportunity to come clean first, before he called her out on anything.

[erika]

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[/i]erhaps Lotusflower was a little startled by Thunderstrike because she nearly fell over when he got up from where he laid in the medicine den. The sun had finally set and the moonlight was all that lit up the clearing. He slipped out, gently passing her. His large mane brushed her shoulder. His tail flicked as he stood behind her. Why had he gone behind her? She wondered. Lotusflower smiled uncomfortably, she felt closed in now, unable to leave. She remembered that she was deputy though, and he was the medicine cat. She may have come to him for help but if she chose to leave he would have to let her go. This gave Lotusflower some comfort as she crawled in.

S[/i]he was wary on the way down. Lotusflower turned around and sat in the back. She couldn't help but look around the den and familiarize herself. The large brute slid in after her; in the small den his size seemed to overpower her authority at this point. She licked her paw and rubbed over her face. When he spoke to her she stood up a little straighter she looked him straight in the eyes. "I was wondering..." She paused, breaking her gaze rethinking what she would say to him. Of course he could do it. Thunderstrike was a fine medicine cat. "I would like you to diagnose what is wrong with me." Lotusflower answered in a somewhat demanding tone.

The sharp pain returned, stabbing her stomach with a furious blow. Had she said something that made Starclan angry with her? Lotus winced, digging her claws into the dirt. "It would be much appreciated." A weak smile grew on her maw.
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[crush]

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[atrb=background,http://i54.tinypic.com/2mz9yk4.jpg] A soft chuckle reached the air before he could stop it. He didn't just laugh at her demanding tone in the place where he held the authority (not that he'd say that out loud, though it was an amusing thought), but also that she didn't already know what was wrong. He shook his head a moment, glancing around and knowing he could feed her traveling herbs - they would tide her over, as they did for all cats on long journeys with no time to find food - but he refused to. That would delay the problem, not fix it, and he'd never been known to procrastinate. At least, not much. I do believe it is called starvation and exhaustion, oh great deputy. You can do whatever you want, but that doesn't mean you can stop eating or sleeping. There is a reason we think of them as requirements in order to live. You keep on with this and you'll be malnurished and you'll die of infection - and where would that leave your clanmates? Searching for another fine deputy and mourning your loss. You, on the other hand, would wind up in starclan, unable to help them anymore. Oh, he knew exactly how to twist it to get her to not scoff him. Point out how useless she'd be dead, and she was definitely en route to that scenario. He knew she was just trying to help, but the rest of the clan was getting fat from prey while she starved herself, and although he'd been too busy to interfere before, she had now made herself his patient, and she would stay as such whether she slept in the den with him as most patients did or not. She would be his patient until she was healthy again. If that meant he had to stalk her all over the territory and force feed her, so be it. I mean, if that's what you want, go right ahead, but I, at least, would like to see you more than once a moon. Unable to get away without even the slightest joke, taken from the medicine cat meetings that happened once a moon of course, he chuckled softly after he spoke, though knowing some of his humor was not for every one. He glanced out at the fresh kill pile, though he didn't move at first. An apprentice was in the middle of sneaking a bite when he looked - good timing. He smiled slightly and motioned for the smaller lion to bring the chunk of meat over. Scowling as he realized he'd been caught, the lion dragged it over, ears flattened, awaiting a reprimand. Thunderstrike could only assume he'd been told to go hungry for the evening for some terrible mistake, like putting a paw over a border or something. He whispered in the cub's ear to get himself his own piece, but to eat it quick and get to sleep, then turned his attention back to Lotusflower, picking up the piece of meat and putting it down in front of her. That should be a good start, but eat slow. Your stomach won't be used to having too much in it anymore, and I'd hate for you to throw it up all over my den again. It'll be a pain to clean.

[erika]

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[atrb=background,http://i55.tinypic.com/25phjb8.png] Is that all? She said in a semi-serious tone. Loutsflower couldn’t keep her eyes off of Thunderstrike. She had to admit he was charming. He seemed to find some humor in something that she thought was a very serious matter. Oh great deputy, he said so coolly, so unprofessionally she thought. Was he mocking her? He had even chuckled when she asked him to do his job. In her entire career she had never been laughed at, at least not to her face. She didn’t even know what she would do if someone had laughed at her behind her back, it was that infrequent. Her ears went back in embarrassment. Lotusflower shook herself trying to keep composure. She was deputy for god sake. It was just a joke to lighten the mood. She had to let it go. It was a warriors job to remain strong, from kithood to becoming a warrior until the day you die. If you were weak, where would that leave your clan? In the hands of someone who can’t take care of you let alone themselves (how hypocritical of her.) Lotusflower couldn’t help but agree with him though, all joking aside she was important to the clan. Oh, he was good, really good. Thunderstrike managed to get inside her head with ease; he would make for a great nagotiator (she would have to remember that if there were any need for one in the future.) She thought of things like that often, it was all part of the job really. Her head bounced around like she did, ideas came and went, and her patience was limited. Lotusflower could never sit in one place for too long as a kit and even now as a deputy. However, Lotusflower was so focused on Thunderstrike that she didn’t see where the fairly large piece of meat came from that he threw at her feet. If she had, she would most likely oppose. Lotusflower would give back the meat to whomever he took it from, but that kind of thinking I guess got her into this mess. That meat was hers but default she supposed. But Thunderstrike should have given half of it to the other lion, who this late at night must have been trying to sneak a bite because they didn't get any to eat before. That should be a good start, but eat slow. Your stomach won't be used to having too much in it anymore, and I'd hate for you to throw it up all over my den again. It'll be a pain to clean. Again? She raised a brow rather surprised. Another joke. This guy was full of them. He was perfect at it though, they fit well. Lotusflower thought of her brother at that moment. He was quite the joker when she knew him, but he never knew when it was the right time to let one out. Maybe he grew out of it, maybe not. She would never know unless she went searching to find him. She abruptly came back to reality, but welcomed it. She didn’t want to think about Shadowclaw. Instead, she thought about how she was going to have to eat. Suddenly Lotusflower felt awkward. She knit her brow wondering where to start or how slow was slow. Trust me, the last thing I would want is to throw up in your den. She said with a quick smirk. Lotusflower eyed the meat and slowly dropped her head opening her maw. Lotus looked up at Thunderstrike for reassurance and tore off a small scrap with her teeth. She chewed slowly and swallowed, letting what she thought tasted like zebra slide down her throat and fall into her hollow stomach. She shivered, unsatisfied, not wanting to eat any more. But Lotusflower had a strong feeling that Thunderstrike wasn’t going to let her leave until she was. He was just as stubborn as she was.

[crush]

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[atrb=background,http://i54.tinypic.com/2mz9yk4.jpg] "Is that all?" He repeated, joking falling away for a moment, eyes widening. Did she honestly think it was such a small deal that it deserved such a question as that? Starvation and exhaustion were not things to scoff at. Sure, he could joke about them, so long as it was being treated appropriately. But to make it seem like such a small deal, well, that just wasn't right. It was a slow, painful death. It weakened you slowly, showing you mercy only at the very end and not a moment before. Starvation and exhaustion are not small things, Lotusflower. Prey is running well, and we have a bountiful clan. You have the opportunity to eat as much as you require, yet you do not. You have the opportunity to take a few hours to rest sometimes, but you refuse to. It is an offense to any who truly cannot take the time to rest, or who are truly without prey and starving. There are those in this world who do not choose what you have, and yet you belittle it while it tears their lives apart, killing them slowly. It is not a matter of pride to abstain from food and sleep, yet you make it such. Are you simply foolish, or is there more wrong with your than your physical health? There it was, that sharp tone few rarely heard, a flash in his eyes as they lit up like they had before a battle. He hadn't intended it, but there was a soft, almost offended growl ripping from his throat as well. A sound he had not heard himself truly make more than once or twice since he had left his warrior life behind. She had come to him for help, and he would help her, but he certainly didn't have to show her the respect he would like to. This was not a disease to be caught, but a choice she had made, and by starclan, she would realize how life-altering a choice it was by the time he was done with her. If it meant going outside clan territories, to the deserts where some tried to live and usually didn't last long, to show her how bad it could truly get, he would do it. The stubborn streak first seen in his days as a warrior apprentice, before she had shown up, shone through. Before his battle and near death, he'd already been labelled as an almost guaranteed deputy to be, he'd known it all. He'd been the apprentice of the deputy, after all, and he had already helped with those duties because of the promise seen in him. He could have had her life just as easily. He was happy where he was, but that didn't change the fact he had had the choice back then, fourteen moons old and thinking he was more certain of where his place was than perhaps he truly had been. But she hadn't been here for that; and he was pretty sure she didn't know. He'd already been a full medicine cat, with both of his mentors dead of old age, when she'd come. No one really talked about how he'd been on the path of a warrior. It was just one of those things the clan knew and had no reason to talk about. He didn't expect her to know, but he wasn't going to hold her to it either, or hold it over her head that he would have done things differently. She was doing a fine job - she was just doing too much, more than she should. Still, though, his eyes closed, phantom pain running across his stomach, where the claws had slashed and nearly killed him. A quiver ran down his body, but he opened the eyes again to watch as she took a bite and he nodded. Yes, that's slow enough. Your stomach will rebel at first, but you must eat. Eat enough and it will realize how hungry you truly are and you'll be hard pressed to not just gulp it all down. He murmured softly, the tone from before gone again and replaced with the same caring tone most where used to, but no joke came. They never did when the white-furred scars, hidden by his already pale stomach fur, felt the pain that wasn't even there. He turned his gaze from her a moment, reaching to a crook in the rock where the poppy seeds were. They helped with fake pain too, he had found. Or perhaps it was just a mental thing where he thought they would help so they did, like a placebo. He didn't care either way. He licked up two, no more, letting them rest on his tongue and do their work, turning his gaze back to her, watching and waiting.

[erika]

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[atrb=background,http://i55.tinypic.com/25phjb8.png] Her heart fell into her aching belly. Lotusflower's ears went back again, but this time she didn't try to keep composure, she didn’t care if she looked weak in front of Thunderstrike. The truth was she felt weak. Lotus felt ashamed of herself, she didn't care that Thunderstrike had scolded her. It was an inappropriate thing to say and she deserved it; Loutsflower hated herself more than anything. If he didn't put her in line, who else would? Blackstar? He had more important things to do. Starclan was surely shaking their heads at her now. She was just as bad as her brother, trying to be humorous at all the wrong times. And she thought she was better than him. Lotusflower remembered when she was truly starving, when there was nothing but the air to inhale and exhale slowly and your thoughts to keep you company. The aching in her stomach and Thunderstrikes harsh, but necessary words reminded her where she came from. She chose to starve herself when she ran away from her mother and the pride. Are you simply foolish, or is there more wrong with your than your physical health? Why was she so foolish to starve herself now? She understood that what she was doing was making her sick and incapable of taking care of the clan but did she really understand? It was so casual. Lotusflower was able to wince it away and ignore the pain so easily. It was unnatural. Lotusflower dug her claws into the dirt and took another bite of the meat and let it slither down her throat. Thunderstrike was right. Her stomach didn't reject the piece this time but her stomach jerked and the pain intensified. This must have been what he meant. She thought. ...It will realize how hungry you truly are. I am sorry for being so crude Thunderstrike. I blame myself for my misbehavior. Please forgive me I hope I have not given you a cruel misconception of who I am. She said softly. She paused collecting her thoughts. Thunderstrike may have been right again. Could she possibly have something mentally wrong with her? Lotusflower laid down next to the meat which she slowly nibbled at and spoke gravely between bites. There was no joking in her voice this time. Would it be possible, that I am starving myself unconsciously? And… sleep depriving myself without realizing it? She looked up at him, confusion in her eyes. I wouldn’t… at least, I don’t think I would put myself in this much harm every day if I knew it would kill me. Would I? What she didn't understand was she had felt this pain before. Why on earth would she put herself through this kind of suffering and make her clan members suffer with her? This wasn’t some game. But Lotusflower felt that way, she was being checked by an opponent she couldn’t see. She took another bite, larger this time. It was all she could do really. She wasn’t in check mate yet, and each bite was like moving the king a space over to avoid being taken.

[crush]

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[atrb=background,http://i54.tinypic.com/2mz9yk4.jpg] He sighed. He hadn't meant to make her second guess herself, or make her think that he thought of her in such a way on a regular basis. He didn't. Just this once, when she didn't seem to realize just how bad off she was. She just kept pushing herself too hard. He understood that. He'd done it before. He'd done it for revenge, mind you, which was a much less noble cause, but he had most certainly been in a similar position. He shook his head. Don't be sorry. I understand where you are coming from, much more than you know. He replied softly, though he didn't explain. He wouldn't hide it from her if she asked, but he wasn't about to tell her about it all if she didn't want to hear it. He had come to terms with death a long time ago, perhaps one of the reasons he could talk about it so freely as he had in his rather harsh warning. A warning that had wound up to scold more so than caution, as had been the true intention. He settled back on his hindquarters, finally, regarding her with a kind eye once more. We all do many things without intending to. You mean to help, I know, by allowing others more rest and nutrition than you get, but you forget the important thing about the clans. We work as one, as a team. We all help each other, and it is not your duty to suffer more than the rest of us. You need only be there as a reassuring shoulder to lean on if others need you, someone to turn to for advice and leadership. When it comes to things such as food, we share as evenly as is required. He paused as she ate more, with an approving glance but nothing more. A soft smile flickered onto his face and rested in his eyes, alongside the fondness of a good memory. He thought back to his first moon as an apprentice, when he had asked why they took such good care of the elders. He had quickly mentioned that he didn't mind, of course, that he was just curious. He had gotten a rather elaborate answer, however a very fitting one. One that, perhaps, it was time to pass on. Kestrelflight, my first mentor, once told me that we are all equally important. That without the young apprentices, the elder den would never be cleaned. Without the elders, we would never have someone to pass on stories of our past so that we may not repeat our ancestors mistake. We all play a part, and we must play it properly to live at our best, and to make our clan stay at its strongest. It is an understanding of this circle of life that allows us to truly live, and to accept our death when our time is up because we know we could have done no better with our life, and that we have avoided doing far worse.

[erika]

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[atrb=background,http://i55.tinypic.com/25phjb8.png] She shook her head in disagreement. No I am, really I am sorry. Lotusflower was interested in Thunderstrike's story, but it wasn't her place to ask him to share. If he wanted to tell her he could but she wouldn't make him. It would be comforting if he really understood, the way he said it made it seem like he did thought Lotusflower couldn't be completely convinced. Lotusflower kept taking small bites of the meat; she had to consciously resist gulping the entire thing down now like her aching belly begged her too. She didn't think she could be this hungry. That's what she got for starving herself for days, even weeks at a time. She had the occasional scrap here and there but she couldn't remember the last time she truly ate her share of a kill. Not being able to remember the last time you ate. That was something. Lotusflower nodded as he explained how a clan was a team and went on about his mentor. I think I understand... She said with a soft smile. It was irritating how right Thunderstrike was. For once, she didn't really want to get up and leave. (She couldn't but that was beside the point.) She wanted to hear what he had to say. It soothed her. Thunderstrike sounded so wise. Like a mother telling stories to her young kits. Kestrelflight. That was an interesting name, she thought, like hers. She wished she had gotten the chance to know Thunderstrike's mentor. Well, I will have to thank him. I never knew you as a warrior but I am sure you were great. Lotusflower hoped that didn't strike a bad cord so she kept going. The circle of life, Lotus mused chewing then swallowing, my mother had a certain fixation with it and things like it- Zen and inner peace and crazy shit like that- but she once said it was important to never pride yourself over others because we all end up in the same place… Lotusflower rested her head down. I don’t think she meant belittle yourself and starve... She laughed lightly, smiling as she glanced at her food and up at Thunderstrike. Would you like some? She joked.

[crush]

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[atrb=background,http://i54.tinypic.com/2mz9yk4.jpg] He spotted her interest and smiled reassuringly, letting her know, he hoped, that it was okay to ask questions. There were point in his past that held pain in the memories, but it was just remembered pain. He was past it now. The past was the past, and it had no large hold on his present or his future. He had no problem talking about any of it. He could describe the pain, the agony, in perfect detail even. To him, it had become a story that he would tell kits when he was an elder. A story of valor and courage, a story of the pain of battle, and a story that would teach them the importance of starclan and how they always had a reason for doing what they did, even if that meant saving you when you wished to die. There wasn't even a sadness to his smile as he shook his head at her mention of him being a great warrior. True, he wondered what his life would be like on that path, but he also would never change his decision. I never made it to warrior status. An injury stopped me the day before my ceremony. A rather well known little story amongst the clan, so they never bother to talk about it, I suppose. I spent quite some time in this den, ended up learning some of the herbs and becoming fascinated... And so here I am. There was a roll of his shoulders, a shrug of sorts. It didn't bother him that his path in life had changed. It never really had. He had usually gone with the flow. He had been angry about having to live through such painful agony, yes, and he had shunned starclan for the longest time as a result, but he had never been angry at the world. His options had never been closed, simply expanded. He finally chuckled softly as she talked of her mother and shook his head. No, no she probably didn't mean that at all. But Lotusflower had figured that out on her own, and it didn't need to be repeated. There was no point rubbing salt into her wounds. I think I'd rather antelope this evening, actually, though thank you for offering. He replied, tone entirely serious, though there was that twinkle in his eye from when he had been joking earlier. A joke again, with his classic humor through seriousness. Something many gave him strange looks for or didn't notice. It was a somewhat unique sense of humor, after all. He took a moment to groom down misbehaving bits of fur, then glanced up at her, finally addressing her prior curiosity. You know, it's alright to ask if you're curious. I know I myself often loved to hear stories, and still do. I've not yet tried my paw at telling them, but I wouldn't mind giving it a shot.

[erika]

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[atrb=background,http://i55.tinypic.com/25phjb8.png] That is really unfortunate. She said, Lotusflower imagined what it would be like if Thunderstrike had become a warrior. Their roles would almost be reversed. Thunderstrike would most likely have become deputy and she would either stay a warrior or become medicine cat. He was like her doppelganger in many ways, except he was much to wise to ever get himself in her situation- to be perfectly frank, killing herself from starvation and sleep deprivation. Lotusflower lifted her head, leisurely licked the fur on her paw before resting her head back down again. Air filled her lungs and a long uncontrollable yawn erupted, her long pink tongue outstretched revealing her large canines. The zebra that Lotusflower had been slowly eating must have been making her drowsy or all the hours she had spent staying up were finally catching up to her. I wasn't going to ask because I didn't want to be rude. She explained humbly. Lotusflower wouldn't (and couldn't) assume that a great lion such as Thunderstrike would freely share his secrets and spill his past to her. Lotusflower let the stories come out as the tellers pleased not as she wished. Thunderstrike didn't seem to mind but she did so she wasn't going be rude and strike cords that weren't meant to be stricken. Warrior or not, you are great medicine cat, and I will still give thanks to your mentor for that. She meant it. Lotusflower hadn’t watched the moon move through the darkened sky so she could not tell how long she had been inside Thunderstrike’s den. All she knew was at this time she would normally be awake and lying on the high sunning rock just outside the dens in camp where she could hear the crickets hum and chirp loudly to each other in the tall wild grasses. There was no reason for her to stay awake those nights, she really couldn’t put her claw on it why she did but she would have to force herself to or else Thunderstrike would get on her back. And she knew he would. It was rather roomy in the medicine den, enough for three or even four at most. She supposed there needed to be room for Thunderstrike’s patients like herself. Her eyes shifted back to the scrap next to her. Should I eat more? She was serious when she said the last thing she wanted was for her stomach to reject the food and for her to throw it back up. Her eyes were feeling kind of heavy but if she had to eat more she would, and her stomach growled for more.

[crush]

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[atrb=background,http://i54.tinypic.com/2mz9yk4.jpg] It was not unfortunate at all. I am happier in this den than I ever was on the path of a warrior. I enjoyed that as well, of course, but this... This is where I truly belong. I was too blind to see it, so starclan pointed me in the right direction. They allowed me to hate them for keeping me alive so that I would be happier. I'd say that's more fortunate than not. He replied, finally shifting to lay down. He could move out of the way, of course, to let her out. She had eaten, and she would sleep tonight at least, of that much he was certain. But he didn't. He liked his den, but it did get lonely at times, and she looked comfortable enough. Perhaps he could make her stay for the night, just so that for the first time in a long seventeen moons he wouldn't be a lone when he woke up. He never counted patients were were injured enough to stay here, for more often than not they slept though many of the hours. She, however, was no where near as bad off. At least, not yet. Some mind terribly if asked about their past; but the past is just that. A story to be told and learned from. True, it can shape you in the heat of the moment, but it is not the memories that make you who you are, but your decisions that you have made and continue to make. If you decide to not let the past bother you, than it won't. Mind over matter, dear Lotusflower. It's as simple as that. So ask away. I promise I will not be offended. Stretching his paws out in front of him, he laid his head down on them, tail curling around to rest against his side. He watched her quietly, content now that she seemed to have come to her sense about eating, at least for now. At her question, he glanced to the remain chunk of meat, debated for a moment, then raised his head only long enough to shake it. No. It would be wise not to over do it. However, I'll expect you to eat at least that much in the morning, at sunhigh and at nightfall tomorrow. And if it means I have to act like a stalker for the day to make sure you do, trust me, I'll do it. I've got little better to do, anyway. I can always just send Adderpaw for the herbs that need restocking. A mischievous smile crossed his face, daring her to think he wouldn't follow through with what could be considered, to some, a threat. He would laugh about it, of course, but that wouldn't stop him from following through. He was rather loyal to his word in almost all cases, which some found bothersome considering how persistent he was about it. But it was a blessing, at least to him.